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    • CHICAGO • SEPT 17-19, 2021
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Category: Sports

Kansas City vs. San Francisco: Which Has Better Bands?
By Riot Fest / January 30, 2020January 31, 2020 / Sports

In honor of the SUPER sports game happening in Miami this Sunday, we decided to grab a BOWL of KC barbeque and a plate of whatever food San Francisco is famous for and see who would win if bands from Kansas City and San Francisco went head to head.


The Power Hitters of Baseball Punk Bands
Take a swing at one of the wildest cross-genres in recent punk history
By Andrew Bonazelli / March 20, 2019May 23, 2019 / Features, Music, Sports

The confluence of baseball with all kinds of heavy music—namely punk, hardcore and grindcore—has spawned outsider art that is deeply offbeat, thoughtfully woke and, more often than not, literally pants-shittingly hilarious.


For $5,000, You Can Spend The Weekend With Jose Canseco Searching For Aliens And Bigfoot
By Riot Fest / February 13, 2019February 14, 2019 / Sports

The truth is out there, and Jose Canseco want you to come along for the ride. The former MLB home run basher has invited anyone who wants to join him to call the number of Morgan Management and go hunting for Bigfoot and aliens.


Take Me Out To Riot Fest Night With The Chicago White Sox
By Riot Fest / August 21, 2018August 22, 2018 / Sports

We've teamed up with the Chicago White Sox to knock it out of the park with Riot Fest Night at Guaranteed Rate Field.


Keep Your Johnny Dickshot Away From My Rusty Kuntz
An All-Star Roster of the Best Baseball Player Names of All-Time
By Riot Fest / July 16, 2018January 11, 2019 / Sports

Baseball, probably more so than any other sport, is filled with a rich history of spectacularly amazing names and nicknames (most of which are just dick jokes). So, in honor of the greatest sport ever invented, we’ve put together our All-Star team of great baseball names.


You can purchase the baseball that Kris Bryant fouled into Yadier Molina’s dick and balls
By Riot Fest / May 7, 2018May 7, 2018 / Sports

Ow! My Balls! On Saturday at Busch Stadium, St. Louis Cardinals catcher Yadier Molina caught a Kris Bryant foul tip of a 102-mph fastball right in the dick and balls. Directly in the family jewels. Right in the ye olde meat and potatoes. However (or wherever) you put it, Yadier Molina will be sidelined for at


Trump, Rousey, and too many McMahons: A brief history of WWE’s labor problem
WWE is the McMahons' house, and we’re all living in it until it burns down
By Colette Arrand / April 26, 2018April 26, 2018 / Sports

At the 2018 TCA Winter Press Tour last January, WWE showed a sizzle real bursting with celebrities, minus any who’d gone on to political office. No Arnold Schwarzenegger, no Barack Obama, no Hillary Clinton, and, most notably for someone with so much history with the brand, no Donald Trump. When asked, CBO Stephanie McMahon said


Some of Our Favorite Nuns in Pop Culture Have Really Bad Habits
By Andrew Bonazelli / March 30, 2018 / Sports

Any fan of a historically beleaguered (read: incompetent) franchise — professional or collegiate — has a common goal: witness Muh Team winning it all before biting the dust. It’s why Bill Simmons titled his account of the Boston Red Sox’ 2004 season — culminating in their first World Series victory since 1918 — Now I Can


10 World-Class Athletes Who Somehow Still Haven’t Been Name-Checked in Rap Songs
By Matthew Roberson / March 15, 2018March 15, 2018 / Sports

As the old saying goes, every athlete wants to be a rapper, and every rapper wants to be an athlete...


Minnesota Twins Will Sell Prince Co-Branded Merchandise This Season
By Riot Fest / February 27, 2018February 27, 2018 / Sports

For the second year in a row (and coincidentally, the second year since Prince became unable to sign off on things), the Minnesota Twins of baseball will honor the Purple One (a huge Vikings and Timberwolves fan) with Prince Night at Target Field this year. In addition to Prince Night, the Twins will also sell


On the 5th Day of Festmas, Somebody Sent to Me: A Fantasy Football Trophy
Pick a Fantasy Riot Fest Lineup for a Chance to Join our 2018 Fantasy Football League!
By Riot Fest / December 17, 2017December 18, 2017 / Contests, Riot Festmas, Sports

We all think about our Riot Fest fantasy festival lineup from time to time. In fact, just last week, I started the Sex Pistols, another Slapstick reunion, and the Hologram Ramones. Who would be on your Riot Fest fantasy festival lineup? Let us know by commenting on Facebook or Instagram, or replying on Twitter. We'll randomly pick


Hey WWE, Make Darren Young Gay Again
By Colette Arrand / November 2, 2017 / Archive, Backroom, Sports

Last week, WWE announced that it had “come to terms on the release” of former Tag Team Champion Darren Young. The news was less shocking than the surprise release of fan-favorite Emma, announced the same day. Young, whose last televised appearance was on January 18th’s WWE Main Event — a match that was called off


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