On the 3rd Day of Festmas, This Fruitcake Gave to Me: A Pizza Party For Free

Our favorite thing about winter holidays such as #RiotFestmas, aside from getting presents and feeling joy and all that, is the food. Holiday food traditions vary a great deal: While the family in Texas is opening presents under the tree as the aroma of succulent ham fills their home, the Jewish family down the street is making reservations at their favorite Chinese restaurant. One family could be devouring a dish with red sauce by the pole while airing grievances, while another family next door is enjoying a fine African creole in honor of Kwanzaa.

So while our favorite holiday tradition is eating delicious comforting bites, our favorite holiday food would have to be fruitcake. And if you believe that, we have an elf that we’d be happy to sell you. That’s right, fruitcake never doesn’t totally suck; it’s aesthetically revolting, way denser than any cake should be, and probably terrible-tasting (who’s actually ever tried that shit?).

However, we’ve just discovered a new fruitcake technique that makes it super delicious every time. We knew you wouldn’t believe us, so we’ve put together this little instructional video for you. See, here at Riot Fest, we instruct because we care.

So watch this video, enlighten yourself, and then scamper on over to our Facebook or Instagram and leave a comment — or reply to us on Twitter — with your favorite holiday food tradition. We’ll pick a winner from each social network, and at 7:00pm CST we’ll announce the three hungry folks who’ve won a gift card for the scrumptious Piece Pizzeria & Brewery in Wicker Park, as well as a pair of VIP tickets to Riot Fest 2018.

And if we don’t mention that Riot Fest 2018 Holiday Presale Tickets are on sale now at Ticketfly, and that the prices will increase this Saturday at noon CST, then we’ll all get fired. You don’t want us to get fired, do you? Do you?!